Eats The Wayback Machine

The Sweetest Smile

When I was a kid, I’d tag along with my Mom to the bakery to get donuts. If they had smiley face cookies, and they usually did, she’d get me one. Even today, when I walk into a bakery, just the smell of the place takes me back to being a kid and getting one of those sweet, yellow beauties.

These days, I still come across this old friend now & then. I still pick one up, I still enjoy it, and I still marvel at how something so small and seemingly-insignificant can make me happier, completely turning my day around. When people say that you should savor life, I think this is exactly what they mean.

No, a perfect moment doesn’t have to involve baked goods, but it sure does help.



McDonald’s Donut Sticks

From the McDonalds website; “Our Donut Sticks add a touch of sweet to your morning. They’re made fresh with light, flaky golden-brown dough and sprinkled with cinnamon sugar. Now, our delicious Donut Sticks come with Chocolate Sauce. Try them with a cup of our simple, satisfying Premium Roast Coffee.”

A lot of Sunday mornings at my house begin with a run to McDonalds. Yeah, I know it’s not healthy, yeah, I know………at any rate, when I go through the drive-thru, they always ask, “Would you like to try our donut sticks for $1.00?” I always say no, but have really wanted to try them. Today I gave ’em a whirl.

They reminded me of Taco Bell’s cinnamon twists, but with a more dense consistency. Not quite like a donut, more like fried bread, if that makes sense. Hang on there, junior, I’m aware that donuts in fact ARE fried bread, but there can be a difference. If you disagree, start your own blog. K?

The donut sticks come with a chocolate sauce, but I think maple syrup might’ve tasted a little better. Overall, it was just this side of being too sweet. Would I order them again? Probably not, because if I was in the mood for a donut, I’d just go to a bakery and get a legit one.

Van Dyke Brown


The Impossible Whopper

The latest trend among burger joints is The Impossible Burger. It’s a burger that isn’t really a burger at all, but a plant-based concoction that isn’t all that bad. Hang on, sporto, it ain’t all that good, either.

Burger King’s version does look like a Whopper, but its taste is something else altogether. Whereas the regular Whopper does have somewhat of a flame-broiled taste to it, The Impossible Whopper tastes more like the liquid smoke that crockpot barbecuers use.

The secondary taste is that of a high school cafeteria hamburger, which is probably 80% soy. If that sounds even remotely pleasant to you, then you might find this to your liking. 

As for me, I just kept wishing the faux burger was the real thing. 

Short of some sort of weird, fast-food, apocalyptic scenario, I doubt that I’d ever have another.*

Van Dyke Brown

*My editor insists that I will “have another.” Damn.