Meester Taco was a taco joint in Brockport, New York in the late ’70s. As a senior at the State University College at Brockport in the Spring of 1980, I wrote two Meester Taco commercials for the college radio station, WBSU-FM. I booked a studio date for production, but technical issues at the studio forced us to postpone–yeah, just like Westcott Radio today. It was already too late in the semester to re-schedule production, so these commercials were never produced. But I still have the scripts. The “Jane” in the Beatles spot would be my pal Jane Gach, who was a DJ at WBSU. So, let’s hear from our sponsor:
MEESTER TACO 60 second spot
JANE: We interrupt this program for a special bulletin. I’m speaking to you from Meester Taco, where The Beatles–John, Paul, George and the other one–have been seen together. John, you and the others have turned down countless multi-million dollar offers for a reunion. Why have you decided to get back together?
JOHN: Actually, it wasn’t a PLANNED thing at all. We just bumped into each other on line for beef burritos at Meester Taco.
PAUL: I was waiting for a soft-shell taco with hot sauce.
JOHN: Well, taco or burrito, it’s the same existential concept.
JANE: Paul, what is it you like about Meester Taco?
PAUL: Oh, the spices definitely. In fact, I’d like to take some of these spices with me to Japan….
JANE: I see. And what do you say, George?
GEORGE: Hare Krishna. Spare change, mister?
RINGO: I want another Apple Gomez.
JANE: Well guys, I’m really glad that you could just forget your past differences and re-unite.
JOHN: Yes, the devotion of our fans has, heh, “Please Pleased us,” and we just want to make everyone happy and–HEY! That’s me beef burrito you’ve got, Paulie!
PAUL: ‘Tis not!
JOHN: ‘Tis! Take THAT, McCartney!
[Fight sounds, continuing under narration]
JANE: Well, I guess this just proves that Meester Taco can bring anyone together. Right, guys?
JOHN: Right. All you need is love.
JANE: Meester Taco, on the corner of Routes 19 and 31 in Brockport–bringing people together.
MEESTER TACO 30 second spot
MUSIC: “The Green Hornet Theme” by Al Hirt
NARRATOR: Meester Taco presents the adventures of The Green Hornet! You remember last time, the villanous Doctor Smirk had trapped The Green Hornet in a situation which could mean certain death for our hero! Let’s listen….
SMIRK: Aha, Green Hornet! I have you trapped in a situation which could mean certain death for you! What do you say to that?
NARRATOR: Our hero bravely replies–
HORNET: Oh God, somebody help me!
NARRATOR: We pause now for this word from our sponsor.
MR. TACO: This is Crazy Meester Taco on the corner of Routes 19 and 31 in Brockport, where we’ve got the best deals on tacos, burritos, tostadas and Apple Gomezes in the area. Meester Taco will NOT be undersold!
ORNET: Wait a minute! I’m in deadly danger, and you interrupt for a commercial?!
DEPUTY: Okay, Green Hornet, you’re coming with us.
HORNET: Who are you?
DEPUTY: We’re from Bellevue and we’ve got a room waiting for you. Your show’s been off the air for fifteen years.
HORNET: Where’s Kato?
DEPUTY: Kato’s been dead for ten years. Now come along.
NARRATOR: And what of the evil Doctor Smirk?
SMIRK: Hey man, I’m in the middle of a beef burrito!
NARRATOR: Meester Taco, at the corner of Routes 19 and 31 in Brockport. For the great American meal that’s really Mexican.
Great. Now I’m hungry.